Written by Mary Glennan, AMFT & APCC at Botaitis Therapy Group. Mary works with teens, parents, adults, and first responders navigating addiction, complex trauma, life transitions, and relational challenges. She draws from trauma-informed, attachment-based, and evidence-based approaches to support healing, emotional regulation, and deeper connection.

In this post, Mary explores how conflict naturally arises in relationships and how intentional repair can deepen trust. She explains the brain and body’s response to rupture and offers practical strategies for navigating conflict with empathy, accountability, and care. Mary offers telehealth across California.

Why Conflict Resolution - Rupture & Repair Matters

We’ve all felt that knot in our stomach when a conversation goes sideways, whether with a loved one, a coworker, or a stranger. Conflict is just part of being human, and a tense moment recently brought me back to my last post on emotional regulation and accountability. It hit me hard, feeling my own imperfections, but it drove home a truth: we can’t always dodge conflict, and we shouldn’t try.

Conflict Resolution - Rupture & Repair, the clash and the mending, can spark real growth when we show up with vulnerability and accountability. Let’s dive into why conflict happens, why Conflict Resolution - Rupture & Repair is a must, and how repair rewires our brains and relationships, especially in families where we’re shaping the next generation.

Conflict: It’s Inevitable

A harsh word with a partner, a clash with a coworker, or an awkward moment with someone new, tension finds us all. Our perspectives, emotions, and needs bump up against each other, sparking ruptures we can’t always avoid. Dodging them can breed resentment, stall growth, or leave unease simmering. As psychologist Dr. John Gottman points out, thriving relationships don’t avoid conflict, they navigate it with skill.

Our brains are wired to react. During a rupture, the amygdala, our emotional alarm, floods us with cortisol, kicking us into fight, flight, fawn, or freeze. The prefrontal cortex (PFC), which handles rational thinking, steps back, making snap reactions more likely. The insula tuned into social cues, amps up our sensitivity to others’ emotions, intensifying discomfort. These responses make conflict feel raw, whether it’s with a family member or a stranger passing by. Facing it head-on opens the door to resolution.

Why Conflict Resolution Matters

Conflict resolution isn’t just about patching things up, it’s a skill that shapes our relationships and growth. It lets us strengthen bonds by tackling ruptures with empathy, building trust from close partnerships to brief encounters. It fosters growth, showing us our flaws and building resilience through neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt. It also builds harmony, creating healthier families, workplaces, and communities.

Skipping conflict can lock in stress and mistrust, dulling our emotional flexibility. Resolution, grounded in accountability and embracing imperfection, turns tension into opportunity, a skill we nurture to thrive.

Repair: The Path to Connection

Repair is the deliberate work of mending a rupture with empathy, accountability, and honest dialogue. Neurologically, it shifts us from stress to connection:

Oxytocin: Empathetic acts, like listening or apologizing, release oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” easing tension and fostering trust.
Prefrontal Cortex: As stress fades, the PFC supports reflection and thoughtful communication (e.g., “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you”).
Hippocampus: Successful repairs strengthen neural pathways for resilience, making future conflicts less overwhelming.

Deep repair takes vulnerability, owning when we’re wrong, and sincerity in facing the rupture. As Dr. Sue Johnson, a leader in emotionally focused therapy, says, repair creates connection through authentic engagement, whether with a loved one or a stranger.

Close vs. Casual Relationships: Different Dynamics

Repair looks different depending on the relationship:

Close Relationships: With friends or partners, conflicts sting but rest on trust. A heartfelt apology with empathy and accountability deepens intimacy and builds resilience.
Familial Repair (Parent-Child): Parent-child conflicts feel intense, often shaking emotional security. A parent snapping at a child or a teen pushing back can strain trust, but saying, “I shouldn’t have yelled, I’m sorry,” rebuilds safety and teaches accountability. Many publications including research published by the American Psychological Association, shows secure attachment, built through consistent responsiveness like repairing conflicts, helps children manage emotions well.
Casual Relationships: With acquaintances or strangers, no shared history makes conflicts trickier. A quick acknowledgment clears the air, fostering respect rather than deep connection.

When to Engage?

Consider these factors:

Impact: If the conflict affects well-being, like a child’s sense of self, repair is critical, especially in families or recurring casual interactions.
Receptiveness: Close relationships often welcome dialogue, but with strangers, gauge openness…a defensive response may not be worth the effort.
Your Energy: Conflict takes effort. If you’re grounded, you can engage empathetically, otherwise, consider a mediator or pause.
Context: In families, repair preserves trust and teaches children, while in casual settings, it depends on future interactions, resolving minor issues can ease tensions, but one-offs may not need it unless significant.

When Repair Falls Short

Not every repair lands. In families, unresolved ruptures can chip away at trust, raising stress and weakening emotional security, especially for kids. In casual interactions, a failed repair usually means no connection forms, with little impact unless you cross paths again. Repeated unresolved conflicts can wire the brain for mistrust, making future tensions tougher. Reflecting on your empathy and accountability builds strength for the next try.

Embracing Imperfection, Growing Through Repair

Ruptures are inevitable, but dodging them stunts growth. Conflict resolution, rooted in vulnerability, accountability, empathy, and sincerity, turns tension into opportunity. Each repair strengthens our brain’s resilience, deepens family bonds, and fosters respect in casual encounters. In parent-child relationships, repair is especially powerful, teaching kids to navigate conflict with grace and resilience, shaping emotionally intelligent adults. Owning our missteps, embracing our imperfections, normalizes the messiness of being human.

The beauty of repair lies in its honesty. Neurologically, it builds resilience, equipping us for challenges. Socially, it fosters trust in close relationships and respect in fleeting ones. Whether it’s a heartfelt talk with a loved one or a quick nod to a stranger, repair shows connection thrives when we show up and try.

How do you handle conflict in your relationships? Try addressing a tension this week, big or small, and see how it strengthens your bonds. Let’s learn to embrace the messiness of conflict and growth.

Ready to Work Through Conflict with Support?

Whether you’re in Los Angeles, Sacramento, Santa Barbara, or anywhere in between, Mary offers virtual therapy in California for adults and teens who want to strengthen their relationships, improve communication, and approach conflict with greater confidence and care.

If you're curious about how therapy can support your journey toward healthier connection, or if you have questions about working with Mary, please reach out to us at 805-636-9890 or fill out this form.